


The Last Straw (And All The Others)

by AvaBoo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Dean, Canon verse, Canon-Typical Violence, Case Fic, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Dean in Denial, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Holding Hands, M/M, Making Out, POV Dean Winchester, POV Sam Winchester, Sam Knows, Sam Ships It, Season/Series 08, Valentine's Day, ghost - Freeform, will add tags with new chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-09 17:27:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5549141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaBoo/pseuds/AvaBoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At this point- Dean is miffed at everybody because he has to fake date Cas for a few hours. But his true feelings might be revealed when the boys have to visit a psychic. MORE TO COME. The title might also change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One of The Most Awkward Moments of Dean's Life. (But Everyone Has Clothes On)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly set up tbh. I still like it though.
> 
> "...a sensual angel-man wind..."

“Well why don’t _you_ just pretend to be my _boyfriend_ , Sam!” Dean immediately regretted the words the second he began saying them.

Both brothers cringed. Sam shot Dean his BitchFacetm then squared his gigantor legs a little more so he could lean forward in his chair to give his best possible, Annoyed Yet Sincere speech.

Sam huffed a little. “Look, Dean, we are totally not doing that because, first of all, ew.”

“No shit Sherlock,” Dean snapped from where he was pacing, cross-armed, in the middle of their motel room.

“Well then why did you just suggest it, literally, five seconds ago?” Sam demanded, momentarily losing his cool.

Dean just mumbled and let out an indignant sound.

“And _also_ ,” Sam continued, “I need to burn the gazebo and you need to draw May out and trap her so she doesn’t _get pissed and rip my heart out_ while I’m burning it. And the only way you’re getting in there is with a partner because it’s couples only and it can’t be me because I’ll be staked outside watching the surveillance cameras which I’ve rigged to my phone so I can see once you’ve trapped her so I know when to burn the gazebo.

“Jesus, take a damn breath Samantha.”

Sam’s face transitioned into the BitchFacetm again.

“Fine!” Dean conceded, “but I’m not doing anything weird and sappy with the guy!”

“Dean, I get it already, you’re straight. You just have to walk around a building with him and find a ghost, while wearing a tux. Just call him and see if he’s free tomorrow night.”

“You know it’s not an _actual_ date, right Sam? What am I supposed to say, _Hey Cas I know you’re probably busy with angel crap but will you go to a gala with me so we can hold hands and frolick around then later we can kiss in the burning gazebo and we’ll admit our undying love from each other?_ HUH? You want me to say that?!” Dean looked expectantly at Sam. Sam looked like he might actually fall off his chair and die.

“Sam?”

“Ummmm,” Sam replied, “you might not have to call him.”

Dean processed for a moment. _If I don’t have to call him then wh-…SON OF A BITCH_. Dean whipped around and was instantly almost nose-to-nose with Castiel, Ninja Eavesdropper of the Lord.

“Hello.” Cas greeted Dean, his eyes staring directly into the hunter’s.

The air from his ‘hello’ lightly blew over Dean’s lips; his breath didn’t even smell bad at all, it was just kind of warm and sort of nice like….A small gust of wind on a slightly too hot day. Or in this case, a sensual angel-man wind, wisping over the most sensitive part of Dean’s face. The hunter’s heart thrummed in his ears.

Sam cleared his throat, snapping Dean out of his…whatever and making him jump back and scowl. “Cas, seriously, personal space!”

“Well,” Sam piped up, obviously amused, “you might want to hold off on the personal space speech until _after_ tomorrow.” Dean pulled face, but Sam ignored him and continued, turning his attention to the angel standing rigidly in front of him. “Cas, Dean and I could really use your help on this case we’re working.” He said in his ‘oh so sincere’ Sam way, innocently raking back his hair with one hand like he was a helpful little brother and _not_ an abominable shit.

Dean petulantly plunked down on his twin bed, suddenly feeling weird having this conversation standing up and directly in Cas’s line of sight.

“Of course,” Cas replied easily. Then, copying Dean, he turned and lowered himself to sit on the edge of Sam’s bed. “How can I be of assistance?.... And…. what is this about frolicking?”

Dean could feel every drop of blood in his body rush to his cheeks.

Sam laughed out loud, “No nothing about that. Dean was just being dramatic. But okay great, thanks Cas, really,” Sam went on, seemingly unaffected that Cas’s new seat was near the borders of his personal space, “we appreciate it.”

Cas’s nodded with thinned lips, which counted as at least a half smile for him.

“Anyways,” Sam said, “So we’ve been on this case where couples who attend events at the town’s rentable venue have suddenly gone, “missing.” It doesn’t happen at all the events, and not every couple goes missing, in fact, most don’t, but there have been five, which we figured was pretty suspicious. So after me and Dean interviewed some of the vic’s families and asked around, we figured out that all of the couples who went missing had some…issues.”

Sam sat up to dig through papers on the table and handed them to Cas briskly as he summarized each of the disappearances. On top of that, the younger hunter somehow managed to wave his arms around while he spoke between finding the papers and thrusting them at Cas. Honestly, the sight was so ridiculous that it lifted Dean out of his funk a little, which was not an easy feat considering he could probably _still_ be mistaken for a blushing virgin.

“So the Robinsons attended Halloween party there, on, well, Halloween, and disappeared. They were never seen leaving the venue either, the security footage just-”

Sam grabbed a few papers from the pile on the table, “-shows them going out the back of the building, which isn’t an uncommon thing to do because-”

Sam thrust the papers at Cas, who hesitated before closing both hands around them and simply squinting at them for a moment; then he just dropped his hands and held them on his lap, “-there’s a pretty big back deck that also leads off to a gazebo, but that whole area is still on the property and fenced in. So unless every couple-”

Sam began telling the hypothetical using exaggerated gesturing, “-hopped a railing and a fence without being seen by _anyone_ inside, which would be hard to do since to doors to the deck _are all glass_ , something else is going on. So it turns out-” digging,

“-Mrs. Robinson, haha shut up Dean,” Sam said without missing a beat or even looking up. Dean snapped his mouth shut, his amazing pop culture joke never seeing the light of day thanks to Sam’s bitchery and possible residual physic powers, “had been _cheating_ on her husband for at least a _year_.”

A person can only listen to Sam talk for so long, and Dean figured Cas needed a break or he might spontaneously up and leave, “Next was Mr. and Mrs. Kaur,” Dean cut in, “they disappeared from a baby shower on November 3rd, apparently they had an _arranged_ marriage.”

Sam shoved more papers at Cas and picked up talking where Dean left off, “And before them was Sarah Lopez and Madison Quincy-” digging, paper, thrust,

“-Madison was planning to break off the engagement.” Paper shuffling, “The Thompsons had a huge age gap between them-” large hand movement, “-and he was rich, it was a marriage for money.” Dramatic arm drop. More paper grabbing, paper located, thrust.

“And finally,” Dean continued off of Sam, “The Scheiner’s. ‘Bout to get a divorce.”

Cas glanced at the tall stack of paper in his hands before casually setting it aside, (Sam seemed a little affronted by that), and looking up to addressing the brothers, “There was no mutual affection. These were all loveless couples.”

Dean bit back a snipe about stating the obvious.

“Exactly!” Sam responded vehemently. The dork was clearly in his element. With all of Sam’s wild gesturing, Dean was surprised that the length and the sheer momentum of his brother’s arms _hadn’t_ led to Sam suddenly flying straight through the motel ceiling. Damn if that wasn’t a great image. Sam’s arms flapping like wings while he spoke so intensely that **_he didn’t even notice_** he had literally flown through the ceiling and was quickly ascending into the sky. His arms just flapping him right up and he never stopped talking as he rose so high that he faded out of Dean’s field of view. Holy shit that was the funniest thing ever.

Dean let out a snort.

Sam, who was apparently _still_ explaining the case, shot Dean an exasperated look then turned back to Cas.

“Anyways Cas, we found out that a year ago a woman named May Meriwether was at a Valentines Day party there. Apparently her boyfriend took her out to the gazebo, and it being Valentines Day and all, she thought he was going to propose right then and there. Actually, I think she’d been waiting a while for him to pop the question.”

At the mention of Valentines Day, Dean remembered why Cas was actually here and then he remembered he was pissed off about it. The sour mood spread back through him faster than djinn poison.

“Get ON with it Samantha!” If Dean had popcorn, he’d be throwing it at Sam’s head.

“ ** _SO_** when they got to the gazebo he ended up _dumping her_. May was so devastated that later that night as everyone was going home, she somehow managed to hang herself from the roof beams of the gazebo with some cables she had found.”

“And now she is haunting the property on which she died, killing couples whose love proves to be a falsehood,” Cas surmised.

“Ding ding we have a winner!” Dean said mordantly with a wide, obviously fake smile.

Cas caught Dean’s eyes and fixed him forbidding stare.

Shit. Right. Holy warrior of God that can kill with a single touch.

He studied the angel’s eyes across the small space between the twin beds. Cas was totally not even _that_ aggravated with him. Dean figured it was safe to keep the staring contest going, if only to prove that he was _also_ formidable. Dean Winchester would not be moved by the stare of an exasperated angel. Cas’s eyes were also kind of cool to look at, so staring at him really wasn’t _too_ much of a challenge. His eyes seemed like they had a massive thunderstorm raging right behind the irises when he got mad. Just, crackling with electric power that could make a whole room tremble with static. And when Cas was in a neutral mood, his eyes were flat and solid, but still with just as much depth as the lightning; like the sky on a cloudless day or the pretty wavering blue when you’re in the ocean and the morning light hits the waves just right and illuminates them so that even underwater it gets brighter and bluer and you can see how insanely huge the ocean but somehow it still feels safe and welcoming..… Or, you know, whatever.

Dean blinked. Cas didn’t break his gaze.

Cas’s eyes had softened, telling Dean that he was less pissy than before. Dean kind of hoped he could get Cas in a really good mood some time soon, Cas’s eyes were the best when he was in a good mood. All the angelic intensity, the literal lightning he possessed inside of him, transformed into sparks. All the power was still there, when he was in a good mood sparks seemed to perpetually burst in his eyes like there was a live wire back there.

 _Ya know what I mean?_ Dean thought to himself. _Totally bro._ Dean replied to himself.

Wait crap how long had he been thinking about Cas’s eyes while _staring directly at them_?

Dean wrenched his eyes away to look **_virtually anywhere else_**. He locked eyes with Sam; Sam was giving him a, Dude Are You Serious You Are An Open Book I Am Actually Able To Read Your Thoughts Because They Are Bolded And Highlighted On Your Face In A Completely Non-Metaphorical Way So That I Can Literally See Every Word You’ve Been Thinking In The Past Minute And I Am Both Amused And Irked By It, look.

Dean jerked his eyes to the wall. Ok he wanted to look **_anywhere that didn’t have people_** _._ Preferably the _back of his eyelids_.

“Yyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeaaaahhh. So um, Cas, tomorrow is Valentines Day.” Sam said, breaking the silence and restating the conversation in the most awkward way humanly possible.

“Yes.”

Leave it to Cas to follow up the most awkward conversation opener humanly possible with the most awkward reply _angelically_ possible; because apparently the amount of mortifying awkwardness in the room transcended all earthly realms.

“So um the venue is having an event and only couples are allowed,” Sam clarified, “Now usually we would skip the party, burn the gazebo, and leave. But… Okay so you know how I said the couples all went, “missing”?

“Yes, I know.” Cas said in that ‘deadpan yet not sarcastic’ way.

“In this context, missing means something more along the lines of, the majority of them are missing.”

Cas’s head tilted slightly, his eyebrows drawing together.

Dean swooped in because nobody else seemed capable of killing the awkward, “what Sam is _trying_ to say, because for some reason he picked right now to practice his _Batman impression,_ ” Cas’s head tilted again, “is that all we could find of the _Love In The Wild_ rejects was their hearts, which had been, ya know, _been yanked out of their bodies and shoved in the base of a FREAKING GAZEBO._ ” Dean realized he had stood up while he venting and that his legs were making him pace around like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum, entirely without his consent.

There was something seriously screwed up with his impulse control today

“Dean, you are not really m-”

“The ghost tore all of their hearts out! And because she is vengeful enough to do as much damage as the _Witnesses,_ as in, the ones from the _apocalypse,_ she needs to be trapped _inside_ before Sam lights the damn gazebo on fire or odds are she will reach inside his chest and _yank his heart out._

 _Chill._ Dean thought to himself.

Cas nodding in understanding, “and the only way we can go in and seem innocuous is if two of us pose as a couple attending a Valentines Day gala.”

Dean threw his hands up in a silent hallelujah and plunked back onto the bed.

“You and Dean need to pose as the couple.” Sam chimed in, oh so helpfully.

Dean groaned and scrubbed the heels of his hands to his eyes. Honestly there was no way anybody in this room could be chill. It was impossible.

“Dean I understand if this might be too uncomfortable for you I’m sorr-”

“Cas,” Dean sighed as he mustered the strength to leave the peaceful darkness of the back of his eyelids, “it’s not _you_ that makes me uncomfortable, it’s the whole Valentines couple mushy romantic PDA bullcrap.” With his main point made Dean abruptly removed his hands from his eyes and sat up, “I mean, Cas don’t get me wrong; I’m not suggesting you go all _Brokeback_ on me or anything- cause’ honestly that movie isn’t even good- but hanging out with you for a night isn’t even _remotely_ a problem to me, it’s just…. I dunno, the atmosphere. But, whatever I can deal with it so don’t _you_ start feeling bad because _I_ don’t like unicorns and rainbows. _Especially_ since _you’re_ the one doing _us_ a favor.” _Time to shut up now,_ Dean thought at himself.

Dean flicked his eyes to Cas to gauge his reaction to that particular outburst. A small smile teased at Cas’s lips. His eyes shone with those electric sparks that looked so good on him.

“Thank you Dean. You know that I also enjoy our time together.”

Dean felt a pressure in his chest well up so much he started to feel lightheaded. Maybe he _could_ survive the stupid gala. It was _just Cas_ for crying out loud.

“Wait,” Sam smirked, “you’ve seen _Brokeback Mountain?_ ”

On second thought, he might not even live to see the gala.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was mostly talking and exposition sorry sorry. More destiel to come! They will get some heated alone time next chapter ;)
> 
> Also a thanks to captainstevers.tumblr.com because (for unrelated reasons) she might still be awake to read this first.


	2. Dean There is No Need To Be Scared of Suburbia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of fake coupleness, Feat. hand holding. Dean finally gains some chill, thanks to Cas. 
> 
> "...THOSE ARE BUTTFUCKING TIES..."

Was it hot in here? It was pretty hot in here.

Dean hunched his shoulders and held his arms out a little to unstick his dress shirt from his underarms. Only problem was that he couldn’t really bend his elbows in a tux so he had to keep them straight while he unstuck his shirt. Which probably made him look like a socially awkward penguin.

This room was definitely abnormally hot.

“Is it hot in here?” Dean asked while yanking at his collar.

“Dean,” the firm hand on his shoulder drew Dean’s attention to the man who had put it there. Cas wore a soft, sympathetic expression; his unwavering gaze forced Dean to maintain break eye contact, “Dean, take a breath.”

“Yeah, okay,” the hunter sucked in a breath and steadied his feet.

Well, at least they had made it into the gala. Now the only problem was everything else.

Last night, Cas had hung around until the Winchesters had called it a night; then he insisted he stay and ‘watch over them’ or whatever creepy crap he did. Dean was too exhausted to argue with him on it and, although Sam thought it was pretty odd, he didn’t really care enough to do anything about it either. So when the brothers woke up, there was Cas, sitting at the table and facing them, his eyes suspiciously glazed over and heavy lidded, but he was awake and watching them nonetheless.

Dean wasn’t sure if Cas decided to crash with them because his inevitable angelic power drain had started or if he just felt like it. He did seem sleepy in the morning but otherwise normal. He had tagged along for breakfast and they really had nothing to do after that, since the hunt started later at night. So they all had milled around town for a bit before hunkering down in the motel room to watch bad TV until they had to get ready. Sam (the bastard) got to wear normal clothes while Dean had to wear a freaking tux _all night_ , and all Cas had to do was take off his trench coat then simply move his angel blade to his suit jacket.

Cas always looked a little weird without the trench. Like when a SpongeBob wore a sweater that one time.

 _Then_ , completely disrupting the peace, Sam said he had a ‘surprise’ for them; and he pulled two matching red ties out of his duffle. Sam insisted they would help Cas and Dean look more like a couple and the red would match with all the Valentines Day decorations. Dean called bullshit, Sam just wanted to fuck with him. Thanks but no thanks. He sarcastically asked if Sam had also bought them any corsages or rings, to which Sam replied that Dean could just lend Cas one of _his_ rings if he wanted their cover to be that they were married and not just dating. Dean knocked over a lamp.

At seven they pulled the impala up to the haunted building, Cas and Dean got out to go inside (which cost ten dollars each, which is totally _crap_ ), and Sam swung the car around back to live stream the security footage from his self-made laptop + phone rig. Now Cas and Dean were inside. And it was really hot.

There was pink shit _everywhere_ and suburbia couples just kept coming in and in and it was getting pretty packed. On top of that, Dean didn’t see _any_ other same-sex couples here yet, so people were probably giving them more attention than they would have. Scratch that, Dean _knew_ people were giving them too much attention. He could feel all those crow’s-footed gossipy judgmental eyes all over him as if they were all centimeters from his face and not halfway across the room. All the talking in the room was probably about them too, all those voices just jabbering on like: _Oh, why, Paul sweetie, have you ever seen those two men around the hardware store before? No Janet, I can’t say I have. Well this is a couples only event, so they must be a couple! Oh, and Paul, look, they have matching ties! Now isn’t that just adorable?! It’s absolutely darling, I can’t wait to tell the kids, Nancy and Brad, all about this when we get home! Why, gosh lets even tell the dog, good old Fido, about the handsome new gay couple in town!_

A few new couples entered the building and Dean wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. Oh no, a big group of women drinking wine had formed. They totally whispering about them, Dean was sure of it. _Linda, check out those **gay** men over there! Well well, Sharon, seems like we lucked out! We can ask those two **homosexuals** to join our book club! They are so cute, coming to this Valentines Day gala together, they must be absolutely loving the committee’s romantic décor!!! Hehehe ladies, I wonder which one of them **takes it up the butt** hehehehe. OH IT’S SO THE BLONDER GUY, HIS WHOLE DEAL JUST SCREAMS **BOTTOM**. JUST LOOK AT THOSE TIES HE PROBABLY PICKED OUT. THOSE ARE **BUTTFUCKING TIES** ALRIGHT. GOLLY SANDRA YOU’RE SO RI- _ before Dean could think of anymore more hypothetical conversations, he was being pushed backwards and slammed into a wall.

“Dean,” Castiel hissed, his forearm braced across the hunter’s chest, “you need to calm down.”

Their faces were really close. _Oh my god Linda and her crew must think we’re kissing._

Cas sighed heavily and gripped Dean’s upper arm, dragging him into the side hallway; where the bathrooms, security room, and janitors closet resided.

“Dean please calm down,” Cas asserted, loosening this grip on the hunter, “you are panicking irrationally. Your thoughts are so loud that I am able to hear them without even making an effort to.”

Dean scowled at Cas with the mention of mind reading, but it had no bite behind it.

“Dean,” Cas said beseechingly, placing his hands on either side of Dean’s face, “Nobody here cares about you, so please stop worrying about them.”

“Wow tell it like it is Cas,” Dean managed to sass before he sucked in another breath.

Cas rolled his eyes so dramatically that he could have shattered the nearby flower vase.

Dean laughed and felt the constricting tension in his chest relax a little.

Cas gave another, smaller, eye roll and let his hands slide down to Dean’s shoulders.

“Lets find that stupid ghost and get out of here.” Cas said with a side smile, sounding more like Dean than Cas.

Dean chuckled again. Cas was getting funnier, he’d give him that.

Cas’s hands on his shoulders grounded Dean to reality and kept his mind away from The Land of Paranoid Hypotheticals.

“I couldn’t have said better myself, Cas.”

They smiled at each other for a moment before Dean, now sane, nodded and flicked on the EMF meter in his pocket. The men moved away from the wall in sync, Cas leaving one hand lingering on Dean’s shoulder, even as he turned around.

He glanced at Dean before tentatively moving his hand down the length of Dean’s sleeve, pausing when his fingers grazed the cuff of his suit. It made Dean’s arm buzz and his heart beat louder.

He stared at Cas, searching his face to find the angel’s intentions.

Cas shrugged his shoulders noncommittally, “if the ghost thinks we are an actual couple it might get closer to us.”

“Yeah… Smart.”

Cas wrapped his fingers around Dean’s slowly, as if waiting for the hunter to yank his hand away. When Dean did nothing, Cas clutched his hand more firmly and gave Dean a final questioning look. Dean may have licked his lips in response to that look, but that was only because they were dry, obviously. That was approval enough for Cas because the next second he was leading them back into the main room.

The pair maneuvered through the crowd of couples and heart shaped streamers, listening for the tell tale shrill sound of the EMF meter in Dean’s pocket.

***

After twenty minutes of nothing, Dean lead them over to the bar snatched up some complimentary fruity flavored miniature schnapps bottles and shoved them in his pocket using his free hand. Before they headed back to the masses on their search, Dean grabbed another bottle, opened it with his teeth, spit the cap out and let it clatter to the ground. Then he downed the whole bottle and placed it, empty, back on the bar. A few of people sitting at the bar gave him some quizzical looks, but Dean ignored them in favor of tugging Cas’s hand and relaunching the ghost hunt.

“Sorry, takin’ the edge off,” Dean said by way of explanation.

Cas side-eyed him but didn’t make any comments. 

***

 They were having no luck with the EMF. Nothing was going off. Dean wanted to pull out his phone and text Sam, but that would require he remove his hand from Cas’s. As embarrassing as it was, holding Cas’s hand was keeping him grounded, just like how Cas’s hand on his shoulder earlier had. So, he figured he could at least wait until the booze kicked in before he let go and texted Sam.

Besides, them holding hands was helpful for finding the ghost; like Cas had said, it might draw her out.

Also, Cas had been right, nobody gave a shit about them or that they were holding hands; just a few polite hellos here and there. Linda and her crew didn’t even jump them and start some weird suburban wife initiation ritual that began with talking about George Clooney’s sexiness in, ‘the good old days;’ they just drank wine, mostly. Point being, they were left alone and eyes were looking elsewhere, much to Dean’s relief.  

 _Good thing Sam is outside though, I’d never hear the end of this_ , Dean thought to himself. _Knock on wood!_ “Knock on wood,” he stated out loud, twisting a little to find some wood to knock on. There was no wood in the immediate area, so Dean settled on reaching over and knocking lightly on Cas’s chest a few times. Cas squinted a little at Dean, tight lipped. The face read as a mix between amused and confused. Afused. Conused.

Or, whatever. Regardless, it pretty endearing.

 _Seriously happy Sam is in the car right now_ , Dean silently commented to himself.

 _Agreed_ , Dean silently replied to himself. 

***

Sam sat in the car, keeping an eye on the live security footage feeding to his electronics as he ate a salad he had secretly stashed in the trunk.

Cas and Dean definitely hadn’t trapped her yet. Sam wondered if they had even gotten wind of her at this point.

Oh and Cas and Dean had been holding hands for the past hour, which was funny and cute at the same time. Even so, after a minute of watching them mosey around hand and hand, it got kind of boring. Sam turned up the music on his iPod; Death Cab For Cutie was seriously a great break from 24/7 Led Zeppelin.

Watching the security footage wasn’t even hard, Dean totally could have done it just as easily, as well as eventually burning the gazebo down; but somehow Sam knew the world would be out of whack if it was him walking around in there, holding hands with Cas. It wasn’t that he really minded either way, but things would just seem… off if Cas and Dean weren’t the ones together.        

Unnatural.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made two really dumb music references for no reason. Golly Sandra by Eisley and I also wrote the words Pretty Odd, which is a PATD album.
> 
> Also the Spongebob sweater I was talking about was the grandma one, although I feel like the sweater made of tears is more relevant to Supernatural. 
> 
> Get ready for the actual hunt and MAYBE SOME FORCED ROMANTIC SITUATIONS???? STAYED TUNED. Oh and sidenote: This fic isn't going to center around this one case just an fyi. 
> 
> (This chapter is dedicated to Emma's friend's friend with smexy long hair. Get it em.)


	3. How Sexual Tension Solved a Case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The case is resolved and so is some sexual tension.
> 
> "...Defen-? I am not defensive!” Dean shouted defensively..."

“I dunno, Sam!” Dean snapped into the phone. Cas gave Dean a hard look from where he was standing, guarding the entrance of the hallway. “I don’t know, okay?” Dean said more quietly, but in a harsh whisper.

“Look, Dean, maybe we were wrong. I mean, I’m sure there are more than five couples that have been in that building in the last year who weren’t exactly Hallmark worthy. Maybe she only ganks the ones that _happen_ to go outside.”

“Sam, the other people at those parties _told us_ that before the couples went outside they were angry, then they seemingly randomly went outside. I mean, if the bitch can rip out hearts and kill these people during a packed party without _anybody_ seeing, she must have enough juice to be able to control people, at least enough to make them walk a few feet.”

This case was getting more and more annoying by the second. Dean paced around in a small circle.

“That’s just it!” Sam exclaimed, his voice becoming tinny in Dean’s ear, “maybe she’s not as powerful as we thought! I mean, sure, she can rip out hearts, but we’ve seen other ghosts who have done similar things.”

“What are you getting at?”

“The witnesses said that the couples all seemed, at least miffed at each other before they ended up on the deck.”

“Yeah, so what? They were all unhappy couples, Sam, that’s what unhappy couples do, they fight.” Dean still remembered how his mom and dad would fight, all those years ago. It was strange to think that his dad spent the rest of his life avenging Mary’s death, when they hadn’t even been completely happy together in the first place.

“Uhh. You kind of just contradicted yourself.”

“Shut up.”

“Okay well, would you just let me get a word in?”

“Yeah okay then, what?

“Okay, look, they were all _visibly_ not being a loving couple before they went missing, right? So what if the ghost doesn’t actually _sense_ their lack of love, she just _sees_ it.” Sam paused for a moment so Dean could process what he’d just said. “Think about it Dean, only five couples have died in a year, there is definitely more couples with problems that have been in this building.”

“Okay yeah I get that, but if they got killed _outside_ and in a _gazebo_ , why would they even be going over there if she was only watching and not making them do anything.”

There was a silence on both ends as the brothers wracked their brains for an explanation.

“Dean,” Sam insisted suddenly, “if you were at an event with a lot of people, all in one room, and you got annoyed with whomever you came with, what would you do?

“I’d want to leave the room.” _I want to leave the room and I’m technically not even in it right now_ , Dean thought mirthlessly, glancing over to where Cas was obscuring the hall from the eyes of the party, the back of his suit facing Dean.

“Exactly, so the ghost didn’t _force_ them outside; they went outside to-”

“-Cool down.” Dean finished. He turned it over in his head for a minute. “So, we’ve got to get some couples into a cat fight.”

“Not just any couples, if they love each other I don’t think May will care if they fight or not, it won’t matter to her because ‘couples who fight’ isn’t why she’s angry. It’s couples who are still together but not in love. It’s people who lie and say they love someone, when they actually don’t, at least not anymore.” Sam took a breath and peered out the car window and through the gaps in the fence pickets, his gaze resting on the gazebo.

Dean was talking again, “So she can sense love then she can’t sense love then she can! Sam is this ghost ever going to make up her mind about what she can and can’t do?” No response. “Sam?”  

“…It’s the gazebo,” Sam said quietly, then got louder as he gained momentum, “Dean, the closer they get to the gazebo, the more she can do. If happy couples are drinking on the deck she won’t target them. But if there is a couple that doesn’t love each other, there’s a tension being around so many happy couples. Which probably gets at least one of them grumpy, and if that person were to go on the deck to calm down and therefore closer to the gazebo, she would be able to sense that.”

“Huh.”

“Dean, I just had an idea, I gotta go, just…just find a way to draw out an unhappy couple.”

“To what? Use them as bait?!” Dean exclaimed into the phone, which earned him a pissy look from Cas.

“Well I’d say you can Cas just do it, but I honestly don’t think Cas would make a very convincing actor. I’ll be watching the surveillance of the back door so if anything starts to happen, I’m there.”

“How am _I_ supposed to weed out the weaklings? Huh, Sam?”

“I’ve got to go just… figure it out.” The line clicked.

“Sam? Sam?” Dean groaned and shoved his phone into his pocket. “Damnit!”

With the phone call over, Cas walked over to meet Dean, “Did you gain any new information?”

“Yeah. So apparently the ghost doesn’t stalk the couples from inside then whammy them into her little gazebo kill spot of whatever. What we’re thinkin is that instead, the couples just had an argument- like the witnesses said- and then one or both of them went to the deck to cool down. And since she is tied to the gazebo, her powers are stronger out there and she can tell if whoever comes outside loves their spouse or not…then ya know, she rips their hearts out at some point.”

Cas was thoughtful for a moment.

“That does make more sense, she wouldn’t have the power to manipulate people unless they were much closer to her place of death.”

“Basically, yeah. So then Sam just hung up on me and told me to get some poor unhappy saps to go outside.”

“As bait.”

“Ya.”

“And _we_ can’t do it because-”

“She might be able to tell we aren’t a couple and also you’re a bad liar, yeah.”

Cas gave Dean a sour look.

Dean continued talking, “man, you know we really can’t use some poor shmucks as bait. There’s gotta be somethin we can figure out…Sam said he had some kind of idea and then left me hangin, so no help from him.”

Dean looked out into the main room, it was bustling with people; men in trim suits and women in comfortable, but formal, skirts and dress. They were all laughing and drinking wine, walking around and chit chatting. Pink heart decorations twinkled as they idly spun above the people’s heads; a Valentine's themed raffle was being set up in a far corner, ladies were already heading over to enter their names to try and win what was, basically, some wicker baskets filled with lotions. They were all so blissfully oblivious. The beautiful people. The _normal_ people. The realization that he was going to try and use at least two of these people as _bait_ hit Dean in the stomach like a sucker punch. He knew that he could never so through with it. Sure, regardless of what he had said to Sam, he had a few ideas of how to weed out an unhappy couple, some sort of how-well-do-you-know-your-partner game or something along those lines; but that didn’t matter anymore because he wasn’t even going to try it. He was supposed to save these people, not put them in more danger, he simply wasn’t going to let that happen.

Dean looked back to tell Cas he was _not_ going to use anyone as bait, no matter what Sammy had said; he was met with an achingly fond gaze on the angel’s face, one that he could tell had been there for a while. Dean’s stomach fluttered, _he was watching you,_ Dean thought, _and he was watching you with_ **_that_ ** _look on his face_. Dean’s eyes were glued to the spot for a long moment before he tore his gaze away. “What?” He demanded, not unkindly.

“You’re not going to use any of them as bait, are you?” Cas asked, already knowing the answer.

“We can’t do it Cas.”

“So what do you propose?”

Dean scrubbed his hand over his chin. “I dunno Cas. If not us then I really don’t see-”

“What if it _was_ us?” Cas interrupted, “we do… have quite a history of arguments.”  

Dean shot him a sarcastic smile. “Cas, we could fake fight out hearts out but it won’t make a difference when she finds out we’re actually not a couple.”

“What if we proved it?” Cas responded without hesitation.

Dean spluttered, “Wha- ho- wh-,”

Cas mercifully interrupted him again, “Dean you said she observes actions, and being at this party, dressed up, already implies we are a couple, as it is supposed to. If you are unsure about whether she’ll believe it, we could… assert it.

“What, like get busy on the back porch?!” Dean snapped, the blush rising in his cheeks only pissing him off more, “Cause you know Cas I’m all for gay rights but that seems a little excessive,” he bit out with his signature sarcastic-fast paced-exasperation. “Besides, I thought you were like, the Virgin Mary and now you’re all gung-ho for-”

“Enough,” Cas commanded with such a solid power behind his voice that it shut Dean right up, “Do not get so defensive Dean.”

“Defen-? I am **_not_ ** _defensive_!” Dean shouted defensively.

“Dean, you are well aware I meant something less…drastic.”

Dean snorted and muttered, “So _that’s_ what we’re calling it now. Ha. Drastic. Yeah I’d frickin say so. Ha. Haha.”   

Cas let out a long-suffering sigh. “Dean, what other choice do we have?”

Dean ran a hand over his face. “So we,” he made jumbled and slightly suggestive motion with both hands, “and then we start fighting?”

"That should get her attention enough so she makes herself visible.”

“When did ghosts get so damn complicated?” Dean asked no one in particular.

“Well, they aren’t dead set in their ways.” Cas replied.

Dean looked shocked, “was that a joke? You dick.”

Cas looked smug.

***

Dean went to the back door and stealthily tried to close the curtains. It was a good thing that it was February and too cold for the partygoers to be drinking outside. He felt a small tap on his shoulder. The hunter spun around to find a lady in a red dress, her dark brown hair was sleek and neatly parted over both shoulders, she had a tight smile plastered on her face.

“And what might we be closing those for?” She asked with her eyebrows raised and that tight, fake smile still in place.

“Uhhhhhhhh,” Dean said.

“We actually prefer to keep those _open_ ,” she annunciated the word like Dean was one year old and learning it for the first time.

“Yeah yeah, no of course, it’s just that… I need a second alone with my… boyfriend.” God, did that feel weird to say.

The lady quirked her eyebrows like she did, in fact, think they were going to get busy on the back porch.

Dean leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, “I’m gonna _propose_.”

The lady immediately looked ninety percent less bitchy. “Oh how sweet!” she said genuinely, “take all the time you need! Nobody was going out there anyways.”  

“Thank you,” Dean flashed her one of his award winning smiles.

She gave a small smile back, “good luck,” she said, and walked away to harass some other partygoers.

Dean nodded back at her and quickly slipped outside. Cas was already standing there, and with a flick of his wrist, he locked the door.

They were alone on the back porch. Well, there was probably a ghost there too but she was nowhere to be seen. They stood, waiting for the other to say something. Dean’s breath came out in visible puffs due to the crisp February air. Cas seemed a completely normal temperature. Stupid angels and their stupid body heat. Dean shivered.

“Soooo...” Dean began. He rubbed the back of his neck self consciously, “what next?” Oh, but Dean knew exactly what was next. He had to get it on with a goddamn angel of the lord was what was next! He knew the flush in his cheeks wasn’t entirely from the cold.

 _Who even hooks up with_ **_angels_ ** _anyway!?_ Dean thought to himself. _Ummm you did. Remember Anna?_ Oh shit yeah. Anna. _And now you’re gonna do it again. Dean Winchester, The Serial Angel Banger._ Dean scowled at his thoughts. _Oh shut up nobody is BANGING Cas._ His douchebag mind smirked, _please, you can’t say you haven’t th- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH._ Dean actually screamed internally, blocking out all thoughts with the steady _AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_.

Cas cleared his throat. “Uh. Dean?”

Dean snapped out of his own head. And woah Cas was still there. “Ya?” Dean said with a nod, attempting to both hide his face and give an illusion of calm.

“Are you...Ready?”

 _NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_ Dean’s head wailed. “As I’ll ever be,” Dean responded gruffly.

“So we will just...ki-”

“Yeah, Cas, I think I got it by now,” Dean interrupted, _he had better not say it or I swear to God..._

“How...How does this process usually begin?”

"Well _usually_ it just kind of...happens, but, in this case, maybe we should, um, count to three?”

“That...Sounds like a... Good...plan.” Cas finished awkwardly.

“Okay,” Dean took a breath and steeled himself, _it’s nothing important, nobody’s here, it’s for the greater good, it_ **_just Cas_ ** _, and it’s to save lives! To save people!_

“Okay,” he repeated, “no chickening out.”

“Of course.”

They swayed forward, close enough so their noses were barely an inch apart. Little slivers of light escaped underneath the curtain and danced around their feet. In the soft darkness, Cas’s eyes reflected like sunlight underwater.

“Okay.........,” Dean took a final calming breath, “one.”  

Cas searched Dean’s eyes for a moment before letting his own flutter shut. With his eyes closed, Cas looked more...delicate. Even his jagged stubble seemed like it would be soft if someone were to touch it. _Wow he’s so b-_ ,

“Two,” Cas murmured. Dean took the hint and shut his eyes as well. He could feel the heat radiating off of Cas’s body, and the growing warmth of the angel’s breath as they slowly drew closer and closer to each other.

“Three,” Dean whispered.

Their lips brushed together ever so slightly. Dean’s heart pounded in his ears. Cas pushed a little more forward, pressing their mouths together so they were sealed in an official kiss. Dean withdrew only a fraction and turned his head to the other side; he leaned back in and connected their lips from the new angle. Cas kissed back, his arm hesitantly coming up to rest on the junction of Dean’s neck and shoulder. The contact stirred a flame, a rising heat, in Dean’s chest; and it fueled him to reach around Cas’s head and tangle his fingers in the angel’s dark hair.

Growing braver, Cas started kissing harder, opening his mouth more; the hand on Dean’s neck gripping tighter. On instinct, Dean used his body to make Cas walk a few steps back until the angel was pinned against the banister. Cas’s lips were chapped and warm and plump and... _definitely doing a surprisingly good acting job convincing that ghost they were a couple._  

Fuck.

Dean wrenched himself away from Cas. They stared at each other, wide eyed and panting. Cas’s lips were pink and swollen and Dean was already missing the warmth of his angelically hot body heat.

 _Yeah, and his face._ Dean sniped internally. _SHUT UP,_ he yelled at himself.

“Cas...I..uh...,” Dean fumbled weakly.

“Fight me!” Cas hissed.

“Wha.. what... Cas I...”

“The case Dean, we have to fight now.” Cas said patiently, his hand sliding off of Dean’s shoulder.

“OH. I uh...yeah okay.” Right. The case. Phase one was complete, now time for phase two. Dean took a step back from Cas. “You, uh, Cas, you are...uh...” Cas’s eyes encouraged Dean to keep going, “you... you...,” Dean went with the first thought he got, the one issue he always had with Cas, “you leave.” He said, unceremoniously.

Cas raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah Cas you always pop in and out and never tell us...and what about Purgatory? You left me alone.” Honestly, Dean wasn’t even _that_ mad about Purgatory or any of the other stuff. Well okay, he was, but right now, he too fried to care.

“Dean you are...very crass. And... bossy.” Dean rolled his eyes and Cas continued, “You uh, you...suck.”

“Well Cas,” Dean said, raising his voice dramatically like a bad actor in a high school play; he threw a glance at the gazebo, “I think that you’re a DICK!”

“You’re a...dick,” Cas retorted.

They stood silently, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Nothing happened.

“Now what?” Dean demanded in a whisper. Cas shrugged. “Well shit. That whole thing was for nothing? Christ...” Dean rubbed a hand across his face.

Cas caught the hunter’s slumped shoulder in his familiar grip, “Dean we will figure something else out,” he reassured. Dean relaxed a little with the contact and tried not to remind himself of the last time Cas’s hand had been on him, in the situation less than five a minutes ago.  

“Maybe w-” Dean started before Castiel interrupted him.

“Wait. Dean. I can sense her presence.” Cas said, tensing. Dean stealthily peaked over his shoulder at the gazebo. Nothing had changed. “I can only feel her power...She hasn’t manifested yet. She’s...She’s...” Cas abruptly stopped speaking, his features widening with some realization.

“What?” Dean demanded, “Cas what is it?”

“I know how to lure her out.”

“And? Spit it out then!”

“You are not going to like it.”

“After this freaking case? Try me Cas.” Dean looked at him expectantly. Cas just side-eyed him silently, as if he was trying to gauge what the hunter’s reaction would be. He squinted intensely at him. Sizing him up, maybe. Trying to decide if he should-

Cas surged forward and mashed his mouth to Dean’s fervidly. Dean emitted a muffled sound of surprise and stumbled backwards, only to be pulled back by Cas’s arms, which had been passionately flung around the hunter’s neck.

Dean’s brain short circuited- _Cas must have a reason! What’s happening! Ahhhh! Kiss back? Pull away? DIE?!_ His mind shut down like an overheated computer that had been cooled off  by being tossed into a swimming pool; like that episode of Spongebob where Spongebob forgets what his name is and his brain snaps in half.

Dean was stuck on autopilot. Autopilot felt nice lips and a warm body. Autopilot might have thought Cas smelled nice today and that his hair was soft. Autopilot, for Dean, was apparently to be a manwhore.

After a few seconds of paralyzing shock, Dean kicked into gear; wrapping his arms around the angel’s midsection, he opened his mouth and deepened the kiss, his nose dragging across Cas’s cheek as he tilted his head to better align their lips.

Dean nipped at Cas’s lower lip and the angel let out a moan that vibrated _all_ the way through Dean’s body. In return, Dean pushed Cas back against the banister for the second time that night and deepened the kiss even further; Cas responded by pressing his hips forward so they were flush to Dean’s. Dean rolled his hips just the slightest bit, but it was enough to make them both gasp across each other’s lips and Cas ran his fingers through Dean’s hair which was something that had always made Dean crazy and-    

An angry, piercing shriek split through the air and the two jumped apart. Dean already had his hand over his gun as he spun around to face the source of the noise; he turned just in time to see the ghost of May Meriwether, dressed in a faded ripped dress and wearing a noose like a necklace, fly, screaming towards them with one arm out, ready to tear some hearts. She hurtled to the gazebo’s entrance, but slammed into an invisible barrier. Her shock morphed into more rage and she began to slam herself into the barrier over and over again, screaming the whole time.

Dean and Cas shot each other a confused glance; both men were still in a fighting stance and their cheeks were matching shades of red.

Without warning, the gazebo burst into a plume of orange flames, the shrieking ghost still trapped inside.

“Wha-” Dean started to ask, but stopped short when Sam’s gangly frame popped up from the other corner of the deck.

“Dean?” he called, before noticing his brother and Castiel on the deck, “Guys lets get out of here, now.” Dean and Cas stayed staring at the suddenly burning gazebo, Sam sighed, “come on I’ll explain in the car, now can we please go before somebody arrests us for arson?”  

They complied.

***

Once in the car, the weight of the night’s events began to slowly pile onto Dean’s chest, making him feel queasy.

Sam explained that why he had hung up on Dean so quickly was that he figured out how to gank the ghost. He lined the perimeter of the gazebo with a thick barrier of salt, except for a small spot next to where he was hiding in the bushes so that she could get in the circle, if she wasn’t already. Then, he waited for whatever bait Dean and Cas had used to piss her off enough to get her to become visible. When she did, he immediately closed the rest of the salt circle, now knowing one hundred that she was inside of it, and burned the damn thing down. So as it burned away, so did she.

Cas, much to Dean’s discomfort, told Sam that he and Dean kissed and then fought, tricking her into thinking they were a couple. He left out most the details though, and, well, the whole last bit of the story; which was fine by Dean.

Sam thought it was a brilliant idea, “you made her think you were a couple... and then she sensed you didn’t love each other! Then BAM. Perfect! Nice going guys.”

Dean didn’t respond, he just glared at the road. Cas gave Sam a polite thank you for the compliment.    

 _But that’s_ ** _not_** _what happened!_ Dean’s brain persisted. _The other way didn’t work!_ _So then what got her all hot and bothered, huh?_ Dean snapped internally at himself; then he made a half formed lewd self deprecating joke about _hot and bothered._

His lips felt too swollen to look anything but guilty, his chest had a pile of metaphorical bricks being stacked on it, and his mind was buzzing with annoying questions and rationalizations.

 _It was just acting! For the case!_ He reassured himself, fighting the urge to sneak a glance at Cas in the rearview mirror. _Just meaningless lip lockin like you’ve done thousands of times. Besides, it was all Cas’s idea._ Speaking of which... what the shit had possessed Cas to just fucking jump him like that?

If the ghost wasn’t mad because of their unconvincing kiss and crappy fake fight, then _why_ do another kiss. A big...not unpassionate...kiss. Dean thought of what Sam said about her sensing they weren’t in love... _But she didn’t, did she?_ Dean asked himself, even though it wasn’t a question. So maybe she just knew they weren’t a real couple and didn’t care...But that still didn’t explain _why_ she _had_ attacked them.

What had Cas realized...?

The answer hit Dean like it was the truck he almost swerved into at that moment.

  
The ghost hadn’t been mad at them, she’d been _jealous._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Emma and Michelle for forcing me to write and being into the fic enough to try and read my crappy drafts (emma).
> 
> Another thanks to Emma because when I was writing the kissing stuff I needed a distance reference so she let me get up in her face as I asked, "is this the most uncomfortable?" As I got closer and closer. Thanks bro. 
> 
> Chapter 4 is on it's way!
> 
> Also I changed the name of the fic- still all the same promised plot so no worries
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQJhvs4amQ


	4. Sexuality and Salad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Cas hangout and lowkey gossip about Dean. 
> 
> "...Cas glared at him. 'Sam, your brother does not have herpes.'  
> 'Yeah you would know,' Sam muttered..."

Dean’s head was still reeling as he pulled the car into the motel’s parking lot. When Baby was parked, Sam and Cas exited the car and headed back towards their motel room. Dean stayed seated, hands still clenched on the wheel.

“Dean?” Sam paused to ask at the open passenger side window. No response. “Um… Dean?” He tried again, “planning on coming inside any time soon?”

The hunter deflated and let his shoulders sink and his hands loosen on wheel. “Yeah,” he replied gruffly.

“Yes Dean,” another, much deeper voice added, “it is getting rather late and it’s been a long day.”

Dean didn’t even have to look at Cas to know what expression he was wearing. It was the sincere one, for sure. The tired eyes coupled with his welcoming, _almost_ relaxed, stance. The one that made it seem like the angel was a lit fireplace, steadily crackling on some suburbia Christmas card in the middle of the winter- the kind that glows softly and gives everything an aura of cozy. The angel was totally rocking that look, Dean could feel it, and he wasn’t gonna have it.

“You know what?” He said, swinging his body back around and flicking on the ignition, “I changed my mind. I’m getting a drink.”

‘Dude, seriously?” Sam protested, but made no move to stop his brother from throwing the car into reverse and speeding out of the parking lot.

“Don’t wait up!” Dean yelled back at them as he turned onto the main road and drove away. The two remaining men watched the car drive off for a moment in silence until Sam sighed loudly.

“Well Cas, looks like it’s just you and m-” without warning Cas disappeared, leaving only the residual sound of wing beats. “-me.” Sam finished to himself. “Of course.”

Suddenly the wing beats sounded again from behind him, and Sam whipped around, coming face to face with Cas.

“I’m back,” the angel said by way of an explanation.

“Yeah Cas, I can see that,” Sam huffed.

“Since Dean decided to go out, I went and picked you up some dinner.” He raised his arm to show Sam the brown paper bag that was clutched in his hand.

“Oh! Wow uh, thanks Cas.”

“No problem,” he replied, handing the bag to Sam. The casual term sounded uncomfortable coming from Cas’s mouth.

“So,” Sam ventured, “are you still gonna stick around…?” _Since Dean isn’t here_ was silently implied.

“Yes,” Cas responded immediately before adding, “that is…unless I haven’t over stayed my welcome.”

“Cas seriously? You’re always welcome with us. But can we go inside now? ‘Cause I think it’s negative ten degrees out here and I’m freezing my ass off.”

“Oh. Yes, of course.”

Once inside, Sam set up his dinner- which to his herbivore delight turned out to be a salad- on the small table in their hotel room. Castiel settled in the chair across from him and eyed the salad as Sam ate big forkfuls. They sat in silence for a few minutes, the only sound coming from the indiscernible voices warbling out of the TV and Sam’s munching. Cas squinted at the plastic container of salad. Sam tried to ignore it.

“What is the appeal behind eating leaves?” Cas burst out suddenly, intently staring into Sam’s eyes and waiting for an answer.

Sam looked back at him, the hunter’s cheeks were puffed out from the huge bite he’d just taken; he awkwardly chomped until he could finally speak. Cas continued to stare, patiently awaiting his answer.

“The appeal behind eating leaves?” Sam repeated, eyebrows shooting up his hairline.

“Yes. Why do humans enjoy eating salads, lettuce in particular? Dean doesn’t like salads.”

“Well Cas, ya know Dean doesn’t represent all humans.”

“Yes, I know, Dean is _exceptionally_ unique _._ For one, he is much more troubled than most humans. He has also died more times. And he is considered more attractive than the average male.” Cas said seriously.

“Ooookkayyy,” Sam said, ready to get back on the topic of salad- something he found much more appealing than Dean. “Anyways, I don’t know Cas, there’s probably just some biological reason behind it. Basically it’s healthy and tastes good.” Cas looked unconvinced. “Want to try some?” Sam ventured, offering his fork to Cas.

“Alright…” Cas replied, carefully taking the fork between his fingers...and then doing nothing else. All he did was silently observe it. It was _literally_ just a crappy plastic fork.

It was times like this when Sam reflected on the fact that they murdered things on a weekly basis. Cas was basically God once. And yet, here he was, staring at a disposable utensil like it was a dowsing rod that would lead him to salad.

After a minute of silence Sam finally relented. “Okay give me that back for a second,” he ordered, snatching the fork from Cas’s hand. Cas seemed slightly affronted at Sam’s boldness, but he stayed silent nonetheless. Sam stabbed at the salad, loading the fork up a good variety of vegetables and plenty of lettuce. He spun the fork back around and held it out for Cas to take. Cas, once again, just stared at it.

“Hey Cas, no offence, but I’m not going to feed it to you _,” I’m not Dean for Christ sakes._

Cas jolted out of his stillness and took the fork, eyeing it once more before he gingerly put the whole bite in his mouth.

He chewed it very slowly, switching from cheek to cheek, as if he didn’t know which side to chose. Every time something crunched his eyes would widen with muted surprise. It was pretty hilarious.

“So?” Sam implored with a poorly hidden smirk when Cas seemed about finished.

“I understand now.” Cas answered with little fanfare, and handed the fork back to Sam so he could continue his meal.

“So do you eat now?” Sam all but blurted out with zero tact whatsoever.

Cas shrugged noncommittally, eyes cast down.

“So is that a yes?” Sam questioned further.

“It seems I may need to begin to, yes.”

Sam nodded, face soft and understanding. _I’m such a great friend_ , he silently commended himself.

At Castiel’s continued silence, Sam hesitantly stuck his fork back into his salad, still waiting to see if Cas wanted to continue the conversation. Cas shifted to look out the window and gaze at the parking lot with a ‘oh when will my husband return from war’ kind of vibe.

So Sam, ever the scholar, knew that was the natural stopping point in a conversation; therefore he figured now was a good time to stuff a forkful of salad into his mouth. Cas however, apparently knew nothing about anything, so right as Sam’s face was filled with lettuce; Cas decided to pick up the conversation again

“Why did Dean go out?” He asked winsomely, continuing to stare out the window at the empty parking space across from their room where the impala should have been.

So it’s back to talking about Dean again. Wow. Shocker.

“trmhmm tma ermhmse thme gamhm.” Sam tried to answer with a face full of salad.

Cas quirked his head to the side a little, like a puppy.

“mmm ummh mmmm uuhhmm,” Sam emphasized as he chewed to highlight that he was actually trying to finish chewing. “I said,” Sam spoke, taking his last swallow and resurfacing with real words, “I said that he’s probably trying to erase the gay.”

“Oh.” Cas said, as if that extremely vague copout explanation was actually enough to sate him.  

“Oh?” Sam repeated.

“Well that is fairly characteristic of Dean.” Cas elaborated. Sam let out a snort.

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

That seemingly innocuous statement seemed to grasp Cas’s attention a little more, his head tilting slightly away from the window and towards Sam. “What do you mean?”

“Well I mean, Dean isn’t exactly what I’d call straight.”

“Humans rarely are.” Cas added, unaffected.

“Yeah but,” Sam gestured heavily with his hands as he explained, unconsciously waving the fork around like a baton, “I mean not straight as in _not straight_. He’s probably like… sixty forty.”

“…Did you just refer to Dean’s sexual preferences as a percentage?” It wasn’t actually a question, Cas was totally just trying to be a dick. Sam gave him fifty percent of a BitchFacetm.

“My point is that he isn’t straight.” Sam said with finality, dropping his hands (and the fork) back down to the table and wondering how they even started talking about this in the first place.

“I know he isn’t.” Cas stated, like Sam had just told him that water was wet.

The hunter gaped at him for 0.5 seconds until he remembered that yes, Cas was an angel. Well, usually an angel. Sam’s face transitioned into a mild spice BitchFacetm—probably around jalapeño on the hot sauce heat scale.

“…Of course you did.” Sam resigned. Cas seemed vaguely happy about his response, the corner of his mouth twitching up the tiniest bit.

“Dean really did seemed rattled though…” Sam mused out loud after a moment of quiet thought, “I mean, even for him, giving a guy one little kiss shouldn’t be _that_ big of a deal.”

Cas suddenly seemed to think that the tabletop was really interesting.

Sam’s gaze snapped to the angel as soon as he looked down, “…It was just one little kiss…right?”

The room fell silent.

“………………………Um… Yes.” Cas finally responded, flicking his eyes up to Sam then immediately looking back down.

“Wait, Cas… Was it… More than just a little kiss?” Sam prodded.

“……No.”

“Oh my god. Cas, did you and Dean get busy on the back porch?”

Cas’s head snapped up suddenly, “why does everyone keep asking that?!” He demanded, the flare of anger giving him a serious case of the ‘going to smite you’ eyes.

“Who else asked you that?!”

Cas ignored that question but petulantly told Sam, “we did _not_ ‘get busy’ on the back porch.”

“So what _did_ you get on the back porch? Dean’s herpes?”

Cas glared at him. “Sam, your brother does not have herpes.”

“Yeah you would know,” Sam muttered.

Cas sucked in a breath then sighed so dramatically that he could give Kanye West a run for his money. “Sam.”

“Yes Cas?”

“Please shut up.”

Sam gasped in mock offence, “wow Cas, tell it like it is why don’t you. Even after all of our salad bonding you hurt me like this?”

“…Sam.”

“Cas.”

“Don’t tell Dean you know of this.” _You’ve actually told me nothing sooo_ , Sam's mind sassed at Cas.

But okay Cas did have a point. And honestly Sam was fine with watching his brother struggle to hide his angel crush; it was much better entertainment than shitty motel TV, that was for sure.

“Okay I won’t,” Sam promised, “but on one condition.” Cas nodded gravely, he fully understood that getting someone to keep a secret often required sacrifice. “You have to give me progress reports about you and Dean.”

Oh. Cas was not expecting that.

“Nothing too TMI though,” Sam added quickly.

“That can be arranged.” Cas told him formally, though there was a new lightness in his voice. “After all,” Cas continued, “I wouldn’t want to break our salad bond.”

Sam barked out a laugh, because Cas could definitely be funny when he wanted to.

“Well, you know what they say,” Sam riffed, “ beans before deans.”

Cas’s eyebrows furrowed, “Sam I don’t know that they say that.”

“…Nevermind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so this chapter was kinda filler and I really just wanted Sam to get in on the whole destiel thing. But tbh my new OTP might be Samxfork. Sam and Cas are the best brotp. 
> 
> The next chapter is all planned out and should be up soon. Some sexy things are gonna happen. I'm turning up the heat. (hint: there will be forced bedsharing..... among other things ;) ) SO GET READY. 
> 
> This chapter is dedicated (once again) to Emma for yelling at me to write/go to bed, planning to podfic this fic, and just being super turnt for destiel in general. It is also dedicated to Michelle, who has to put up with Emma 24/7 while I'm on a semester away. Godspeed shellfish.  
> Also dedicated to my new roommate (who will never see this lol) and all of her entertaining boy drama...Thank you for reminding me that there are more boys in the world than Dean and Cas. Because sometimes I legitimately forget.


End file.
